So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
