He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
