xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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