I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
