I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
