so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
