just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
