I think im going to throw up on grandma
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
