as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
