I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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