Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
