If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize