does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm like, not good at living.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
