Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
