I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize