you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
