Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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