I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
