she woke up with a sticky ear
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
