Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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