Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
