Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
