Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
