just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize