Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
