i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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