My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
