So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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