There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
