Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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