No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
