no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
