Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
