i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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