My first STD was from a foam party
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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