Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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