Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
