Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
