Betty ford says i'm here all night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she looked like the before picture.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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