; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
