I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
