I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
