If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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