im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
