i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
