There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
