You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
