That's intense
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
