it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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