if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
