Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
