Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
