You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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