Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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