after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
