btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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