nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
