The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
