i jhust puked up my retainher.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
