eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
