Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
