Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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