Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
honey bunches of taint.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
