I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
