I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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