I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
