dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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