I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
