yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
