how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
