We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize