My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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